Clash of the Titans

The dialogue in this movie really could have been boiled down to one line and retained nearly all its significance. The only piece of plot development that matters in this film, as they remind us repeatedly, is illustrated by the oft-shown trailer clip of Liam Neeson bellowing, "Release the Kraken." This movie barrels along at breakneck speeds, skipping over such pointless things like character development and making sense. From jump street its clear that if the makers of this movie could have just shown us a 5 minute movie starring the Kraken, they would have.

Louis Leterrier's Clash of the Titans is a remake of a 1981 film by the same name. I have not seen the original, but the fact that it is not highly rated should have been a sign. The film deals with the tale of the demi-god Perseus. After a few traumatic events, including realizing he is the son of Zeus, Perseus and the rest of mankind decide they've had about enough of the Gods and want to teach them a lesson. The Gods, miffed at their creations' lack of respect, decide to conk a few heads together to remind everyone who is in charge. To do that, they turn to Hades, the God of the Underworld. Hades plans to unleash his "pet" the Kraken upon the humans and Perseus and Co. must figure out how to stop it.

The cast is actually a surprisingly talented one with little to nothing to do. The red hot Sam Worthington (Avatar, Terminator Salvation) displays his increasingly trademarked stoicism as Perseus. Its not exactly a bad performance. It is just that this might be the first movie I've ever seen where no character has any development, including the hero. Every few scenes Perseus is presented with a choice between being human or divine, but he never appears troubled or changes his mind. This also introduces the confusing side story about which side the Gods are on. For most of the film Perseus is at odds with them yet they keep helping him. In any case, Perseus' character arc is about as flat as they come. Alexa Davalos and Gemma Arterton are fine enough as the damsels in distress and resident eye candy. Liam Neeson's absurdly shiny Zeus and Ralph Fiennes' oddly bleary eyed Hades are the only two Gods who really get in on the act. Mads Mikkelsen and Pete Postlethwaite are both notable in small roles.

The mythology is sparse and wildly inaccurate (from what little I know). There is no real plot. The characters are numerous and uninteresting. The story is wildly paced as it jumps from action scene to action scene and even rushes those in a desperate attempt to get the Kraken up on screen before the audience loses interest. This finally brings us to the Kraken. The film's focal point fails to really deliver the goods. The beasty is clearly CG, and we never really get a good look at what he fully is, I suspect this is because we would burst out laughing. Even the final fight scene is rushed along and consists of little more than some dodging.

In spite of everything I just typed, there were a couple of moments where the action had me on the edge of my seat, despite not caring about anybody. Mads Mikkelsen's warrior companion to Perseus had some nice moments, and it was mildly entertaining to watch Neeson cavort around as Zeus. If you are going to subject yourself, do it quickly while it is still in theaters. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

13/30